Why your goals are sucking the joy out of your life
Doing something because you want to escape feeling shit is like running up a hill - exhausting and you’re not getting anywhere fast.
Well especially if you’re knee’s as buggered as mine.
Imagine, the sun is beaming, spreading its warm rays all around, and you take a moment to savour your delicious cup of coffee.
But, those thoughts about tomorrow come barging in. WTF? Seriously - can you not just have this one day……
Is this what life is all about?
Dreading work every bloody weekend and missing out on those sweet moments of simply being and enjoying life outside the office walls.
You know it’s time to find something different, something that won't leave you feeling like a zombie.
But the mere thought of digging out your CV makes you want to dive headfirst into an endless Netflix binge.
Yet you find some energy, jump on LinkedIn, rediscover your CV's hidden depths, and even have some promising chats.
You do a little victory dance, but then life happens, and the momentum fizzles out like a cheap sparkler.
The weeks turn into months, and Sundays turn into a ‘Mondays, please don't come’ marathon.
You are in a twisted hell hole
Sounds thrilling, doesn't it? But guess what? Despite feeling miserable you can’t seem to take action. Why? Because the thought of doing something, anything, feels as appealing as getting stuck in an lift with your ex.
See, escaping feeling like crap may sound like a no-brainer, but it rarely works.
Getting another job because your current one is shit, just like the last season of Ted Lasso (…..oooo waiting for the backlash here), rarely works.
Avoiding delicious treats like they’re the plague to prevent weight gain or illness? Life’s too short for that kind of torture.
Ditching a friend because they’re a toxic tornado? Well it’s a start but you can do better.
All of these are goals are away motivated. The focus is on the negative.
It’s like you’re running from the thing looking behind you to make sure you’ve escaped but then you run into a lamppost and fuck you’re back where you started.
Doing things to escape something sucks joy right out of your day
Take a client of mine who wanted to study to get rid of the feeling that she was letting herself down. All of her actions were driven by not wanting to feel this way.
And guess how much studying she’d done - none.
‘What will studying give you?’ I asked.
‘It will help me do my job better’.
‘What else’?
‘I’ll have options’.
‘What else’?
‘I’ll feel proud. Excited about work again’.
There it is.
You do things to feel something else.
Something positive.
Working towards feeling something positive enriches your day.
The thing maybe the same - study, new job, better relationships. But the experience of heading towards it is full of light and joy. And that’s what I want for you.
One small thing that you can do
If the thought of achieving something leaves you exhausted and grumpy, or you’re struggling to achieve a particular goal - sound like you?
Then here are some questions for you to get you all Ms Motivator on that goal.
What will realising this goal give you?
Catch yourself using away from motivation. And instead ask yourself what am I heading towards?
Keep asking yourself ‘What else?’ until you get to positive feelings and emotions.
This framing will absolutely introduce more joy into your life and you’re far more likely to do the thing.
Struggling?
If you can’t seem to come up with anything positive then maybe that goal needs to go straight to the goal graveyard.