My to do list is killing me.....
Okay so it’s not quite killing me but…
My to do list sucks the joy out of my life. Things that should be a pleasant experience – planning my Mum’s 70th - end up just being another thing that gets shifted from one week to the next until I finally get around to doing it. And then it’s just a big chore. The only joy comes when I’ve finally done it and can remove it from the list. Surely that’s not how life should be lived right?
Let’s take a moment
Before I share with you some pretty awesome realisation and practical things you can do to take control, I want you to take a moment.
What impact does your never ending to do list have on you? How you feel? How you interact with others?
Because I suspect that whilst it may keep a log of everything that you need to do I bet that you also use it as another way to beat yourself up.
So, take a pause and share with me your thoughts. Email me – My to do list…….nicola@nicolabcoaching.co.uk
To do lists are never ending - FACT
There is nothing wrong with a to do list per se but the plethora of people (guilty as charged) giving advice on time management and our culture of efficiency and productivity has left us breathless and feeling guilty about not quite finding the ‘thing’ that will help us become masters of our task management.
Let’s get really simple - there’s always something for you to do. Oliver Burkeman, in this brilliant podcast (you MUST listen), says logic would dictate that your focus should be working out the most efficient way to do things. But if the amount of ‘things’ is infinite then being efficient just means that you end up doing more. And, that’s exhausting. You are never going to get to the end of your to do list. So beating yourself up for not getting it all done is nonsense because you can never get it all done. WOW!
Nirvana time doesn’t exist
It’s really easy to spend all of your time on things that are never-ending – organising seeing friends and family, tidying up, answering emails. All are very necessary but if you’re waiting for Nirvana time when all the stars align and you have space to do those things that really mean something to you – well, it’s never coming.
Writer Jenée Desmond-Harris has a very useful quote on how to divide your to-do list:
"I started dividing my to-do list into 1) things I have to do, 2) things I want to do, and 3) things other people want me to do. Life changing! I often don’t get to #3 and I finally realized... this is what it means to have boundaries."
(I’ve nicked this straight from James Clear’s newsletter)
I’d also like to add in here things you think you should be doing.
Get rid of the should
Look I know I should do strengthening exercises and walk at lunchtime more. I know this because I’ve read about the benefits of them and other people do them.
But they are not important to me. And so I don’t do them. But they linger as ‘shoulds’ in my mind. Like little shots of self-criticism. So, I have a choice. Do them (which will probably take a lot of effort because I don’t really want to do them), keep them on my mental to do list (nothing like a bit of self flagellation to brighten up your day) or I can consciously recognise that they do NOT belong on my list of things to do.
Here's how to reduce the mental burden of your to do list
Ditch the goal of clearing your to do list – you’re not ever going to achieve it
Get everything out of your head and on paper/electronic device
Then highlight those things that you have to do (feed the kids, shopping, pay bills – all the exciting stuff) – that infinite list of things.
With the rest of the items ask yourself this question ‘Why is doing this important to ME?’
Delete those things that you can easily identify as not being important to you
Highlight the best time of the day for you to spend on those things that are important to you and think about what boundaries you will need to have in place to keep this time
Then set yourself the maximum amount of time you want to spend in any given day, week on the infinite list of things that you have to do
And then breathe.