Discover Your Confident Self
What a few weeks. I’m pretty buzzing from delivering Discover Your Confident Self last week. I can’t tell you how much I bloody love doing workshops. Working with a group of women who all want to move themselves forward. Being a part of that is a privilege.
A few things have been on my mind recently.
Fitting in is the opposite of belonging
Brene Brown says this in her wonderful (and short) book The Gifts of Imperfection. She has a supporting series of podcasts that you can listen to as you read through too.
This is also fundamental to confidence. If we are in environments where we are required to fit in and that act of fitting in is taking us away from who we are then how the hell can we be expected to feel confident?
When do you feel completely and utterly free to be you?
Under what circumstances do you feel like you need to fit in? And what would it be like to be you and fit in less?
Age is but a number……well, not really
Ageing is something that I’ve worried about for most of my life. Too old to go to Uni at 28, too old to go clubbing, too old to wear that dress. Whilst I still did these things I felt like I was being judged for being a little bit too old. Plus, everywhere I look value is placed on looking young, no matter how old you are. I get sucked into it. I just can’t help it. Whilst there are some great accounts out there championing age like Pip Wilcox | MYM Founder (@middleyearsmonday) • Instagram photos and videos and Julie (@thefiftyist) • Instagram photos and videos it’s tough cutting through the ageist shit out there.
But it works both ways. There’s a lot of assumptions made about women who are younger despite how experienced they are. This results in them having to go on a PR campaign to convince people they belong where they are before they’ve even done a day’s work. Marianna Spring, a Disinformation reporter talks about this in the glorious Fortunately podcast.
Basically, no matter what age we are we’re told we need to look younger or older. Ageism isn’t just a gender thing but as usual us women tend to fall victim of it more.
Where does that leave us? Taking a stand. The next time someone says I look good for my age
You got to have someone who believes in you
You know this. Of course you do. But I was struck by three things this week. One listening to Minnie Driver’s (lovely a fellow curly) podcast with Christiane Amanpour. She’s best known for her work as a foreign correspondent but she describes this idyllic childhood that enabled her to live in war zones and genocide and remain sane.
Contrast this with The Hillbilly Elegy by JD Vance. The book is amazing. The Netflix film – not so much. The true life story of a boy brought up in the rust belt. He became a very successfully lawyer but puts it down to the fact that his grandmother always pushed him, always believed in something better for him.
This brings me to my last thing. On Wednesday we chatted about actions to build confidence. One of the most important things is to ensure that you spend time with those people who want more for you. Who know that you can do it. Who will encourage you all of the way. Friends and family who love you but confirm your fears are well meaning but damagingly influential.
Who are you surrounding yourself with?
Who sees something in you that you wished you saw in yourself?
How much time do you spend with people like that versus people who support your fears?