International Women's Day 2022
Today is International Women’s Day. On their website they state:
Imagine a gender equal world.
A world free of bias, stereotypes, and discrimination.
A world that is diverse, equitable, and inclusive.
A world where difference is valued and celebrated.
Together we can forge women's equality.
Collectively we can all #BreakTheBias.
There’s so much more to do
In 2022 I still can’t quite believe that we have to ‘imagine’ a gender equal world. You might be thinking that actually we’re doing okay. And sometimes I think that. But then I thought about my client conversations last week. They didn’t stand out as abnormal. Just a typical week.
I had 2 conversations with 2 separate clients both of whom were questioning whether to go for a promotion because the role would require them to be in early and late meetings that would make it difficult for them as mothers.
I had a conversation with another client who relayed to me a conversation with a Head of Diversity where the latter said that their quota of females in positions meant that they were having to promote less capable women ahead of men.
I had a woman say that she needed to be careful of how much she pushed back to her male boss as she knew he didn’t like ‘whingey women.’
I had a client whose girlfriend had mentioned that they needed to be careful of employing a woman of a certain age as they’d probably want to go off and have a baby
A client was questioning her abilities and how she was viewed by colleagues after someone commented on how she looked.
Basically, WTF. That’s a quarter of my clients. And about 50% of my female clients.
It’s pretty depressing isn’t it? And I should point out that this all concerned white women. When gender crosses with race, sexuality, disability, and socio-economic factors things are likely to be worse.
So, what do we do then?
You’re going to see loads of images of people with arms crossed next week – that’s the theme for IWD. Great. But do I think any of that will change my clients’ experiences above? Do I fuck. It’s not that I’m anti days like this it’s that we need people to examine how they behave and contribute to equality on a day by day, decision by decision basis.
The only answer I believe is to acknowledge and talk when you see gender bias in action or are impacted by it. It does annoy me that those that are impacted by it have to start the conversation but in lieu of white middle class man taking the lead what else can we do?
Let’s talk
In this article they make the point that it’s more helpful to view biases as part of the human condition rather than personal flaws. I think this is helpful. Because if we’re trying to change people’s beliefs and behaviours then shaming them is probably not the right way to go about it.
Someone once said to me that we should not be surprised by any action or views of an individual because everyone is the result of their upbringing and what they have experienced and learned.
Adopting this mindset doesn’t mean that people can’t be held to account it just means that we are better able to have a conversation rather than confrontation. And there’s so much ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’ dialogue which serves to root us in our beliefs rather than help people to look at things differently.
How do we talk about this?
I spoke to a colleague yesterday who is awesome. She said that we need to facilitate safe spaces for like to be with like to talk about this stuff. A space where white men can freely talk to each other (yes I know they’ve been talking at their clubs and pubs for years – this is different).
This feels logical to me. I’ve been in DE&I workshops where I’ve held back from saying something as I wasn’t sure whether it was ‘appropriate.’ I get that it can be confusing and I also get that most people want to do the right thing but don’t know how or what.
But outside of DE&I workshops and seminars how can you challenge and have these conversations? On a day by day basis. Here are some suggestions for you:
Tell me a bit more about what you mean when you say [insert comment someone’s made]?
I wonder how helpful that [view/comment] is?
The other day, when you said [view/comment]I thought/felt/did/didn’t. Then say nothing and let them think and speak.
That word/feedback is often given to women. What are your thoughts on this?
I’m interested, how frequently is that word/phrase used to describe a male colleague?
I’d love to hear from anyone who’s had some really good conversations. Do email me at nicola@nicolabcoaching.co.uk