A three stage approach to help you take care of yourself
What impact does being knackered have on you? And by knackered I mean wrung out; emotionally, physically and mentally. If you’re like me when I’m shattered I can’t think straight, little things become massive problems I have to solve and my belief in me is shot to bits. But, if I’ve been looking after myself, well, I can just about do anything. No matter what your view of the term selfcare, it matters and, most of us are pretty shit at it.
Looking after yourself is critical for confidence and is one of the four pillars of confidence I’ve identified through working with my clients. The other pillars are taking action, dealing with your inner critic and doing more of what you love.
Looking after yourself is about understanding what boosts your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing and ensuring that you make time for them. Here are three steps to help you look after yourself better and connect to the confidence within you that will help you thrive at work.
1. What does ‘looking after yourself’ mean for you?
There are a lot of people out there telling you what selfcare is and what you must do. But providing a list of things that constitute selfcare misses the point. What selfcare means for YOU, is for YOU to decide.
Take some time out to reflect on what things, people, ways of being energise you and boost your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. You may also want to reflect on what things, people, ways of being completely drain you. Looking after yourself isn’t always about adding things to your life but can also be about taking things out.
Acts of selfcare do not have to be hour long bubble baths or expensive massages. It can be as simple as taking 5 minutes to step outside and really notice the world around you, reading a book, journaling or getting 7 hours sleep a night. Other things might include having strict boundaries in place for when you work or making sure you have 30 minutes in the evening to do whatever you want to do (note I said want not should) at that time.
When you are reflecting dig deep. Ask yourself ‘If I was really giving myself love what would I be doing?’
2. Selfcare audit
Now you are clear on what selfcare is for you the next step is to do an honest assessment of how well you are caring for yourself. Take each item on your list and note how frequently you actually do any of this. For those items that are about taking things out of your life, note how frequently you are confronted with them.
3. Make a change
Take one thing from your selfcare list and think about how you can introduce more of this into your life. The trick here is to turn selfcare acts into habits. Some would say that, if they are truly acts of selfcare, you will be so motivated you will not need to turn them into habits. I think this thinking ignores the complexities of our lives. We all know what’s good for us but can be really crap at prioritising ourselves. But if you can turn these acts into habits you won’t need to rely on motivation, you’ll just do them.
To turn a selfcare act into a habit I have two pieces of advice. Start small and stack it next to something that you already do regularly.
If you’ve decided that you want to do more yoga commit to doing an amount that makes it impossible to fail and do it regularly. So, perhaps commit to doing 10 minutes of yoga twice a week, on the same days each week. Or maybe commit to doing 5 minutes each day. This makes it far easier for you to succeed and so builds confidence and momentum. Once you’ve done your first week you can do a little more the next week and so on.
Stacking your new habit next to an existing one takes advantage of the neural pathways that the existing habit has created in your brain. I get up, have a coffee and read every morning. This is a habit that I’ve built across several years. When I started running, I slapped on the trainers straight after my coffee. I stacked the new habit - running, next to the existing habit – coffee and reading.
Selfcare is not a stick to thrash yourself with
A word of caution here. Sometimes taking care of yourself is not taking care of yourself. Makes no sense? Let me explain.
You have a selfcare routine that gives you a physical, emotional and mental boost. You’ve got yourself into a good place and each week you are doing things to take care of yourself. You feel bloody brilliant. Then one day you wake up and you feel a bit crappy, things feel a bit off or the shit hits the fan.
In these moments we typically beat ourselves up for not running, reading, meditating, journaling, whatever it is. The end result? We feel even more crappy.
If you feel a bit crappy go with it. No matter what you’re feeling right now I can promise you one thing – it’s not going to last. Ask yourself ‘what is it I need right now?’ and really listen to what comes back. Then give yourself that. Trust that you will get back into your selfcare routine when you’re ready.
The same with things suddenly going crazy. Sometimes you need to strip everything out of your life and do the basics to get through those seriously busy times. Forcing yourself to get up at 4am to meditate may not be the answer for you right now.
A selfcare routine that has been developed through trial and error and is flexible will act as a foundation for physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. If you’re feeling good your belief in yourself will flourish and you will thrive.
Tips and questions for you:
What does selfcare mean to you? What acts or ways of being give you a physical, emotional or mental boost?
Out of ten, how well are you taking care of yourself?
What one thing can you introduce into your life within the next week? When are you going to do it? What would it give you?
What one thing do you need to take out of your life to look after yourself better?
What one thing do you do religiously that you could stack a new habit next to?