Confidence Journey – Lessons Learned
part 2
What? There’s more
There’s always more to learn. That’s what’s so bloody exciting really isn’t it? Last time I shared with you two revelations that I had. One - those critical voices in your head are not you. You are the person listening to them. This means that you have control and can learn to turn them down. The second – these voices have nothing to do with what’s going on in your life right now, they are ghosts from the past.
Understanding this has been life changing for me, I hope it is for you too. Here’s what else I learned.
Revelation three – do the things you love
Back in corporate life I had to present on a topic that I was mildly interested in (because doing it well would mean more money and that was important to me back then) to a bunch of white, very privileged men. Presenting on corporate governance was not playing to my strengths. I used to feel sick weeks leading up to presenting and was petrified that I’d get caught out by a tricky question. I hated it. I didn’t feel like I belonged there. But more importantly, I didn’t WANT to belong there.
Fast forward to now, I run workshops regularly and give talks and I love it. Yes, I get nervous sometimes but that’s driven by wanting to deliver as much value as I can. It’s not about being scared that I don’t know enough, that I don’t belong. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
The thing is, you can work on your critic as much as you want but if you’re doing work that you don’t care about then it can be tough to engage that core confident you. If you align what you do with what’ important to you – i.e. your values – seriously, life becomes a whole lot more engaging and confidence will flow with that. Do more of what you love.
Aligning what you do with what you love
Get clear on your unique set of strengths. Ask people, look at performance reviews, feedback and think about those times that you’ve been in flow – what were you doing?
Know your values. If you don’t know what they are email nicola@nicolabcoaching.co.uk with VALUES and I’ll send my values workbook to you.
Do a life audit. Take the following areas: Work/business, Love, Friends and Family, Fun, Environment, Personal Growth, Money, Health and Fitness. Ask yourself to what extent am I living my values in these areas and using my strengths?
What steps could you take to become more aligned?
What changes could you make to your role/life that would enable you to use your strengths more?
Revelation four – look after yourself
Running saved me. That sounds so dramatic but it did. For those of you who view running as medieval torture I’m not about to suggest that you get your arse outside. But you cannot expect to feel confident if you’re mentally, emotionally and physically done in.
Rewind to 2017, back to London after living in Australia for a few years. I’d taken on a really full on corporate role working with the most senior people in the organisation. My old boss brought me back in and I loved working with him. But there was very little welcoming committee. I didn’t really know my role, it was all new to me, my confidence was sooo low. It became all consuming.
One morning I got up and ran for about 15 minutes and it helped a little. For the first time in my life exercise became something that helped me to feel better about myself and the situation I was in. It was freeing. I started to introduce things into my life that helped me mentally, emotionally and physically – reading, writing, running, meditating. What I learned was that all of this helped me to put my experiences at work into perspective. But, what was revelatory, was the impact on my confidence.
If you’re drained how can you possibly expect to feel positive and confident about yourself? Knowing what you can do to help you process emotions and thoughts of not being good enough is one of the core pillars of confidence. What would be in your basket of goodies?
Filling your basket
What helps you to feel better emotionally, physically and mentally?
How much time do you make for these things?
What do you want to commit to doing once a week?
What would doing that give you emotionally, physically and mentally?
Confidence isn’t a constant state – it’s like riding a wave. But underneath it all, there is that beautiful, confident, inspiring woman. When you’re next feeling like you’re not good enough what might help you?
Awareness that the voice in your head isn’t you. You have control. You’re the person listening to that voice
Understanding that your inner critic is a ghost from your past. It’s trying to protect you but you are not that young girl that needs protection
Spending more time doing things that are important to you, that uses your unique set of strengths
Making some time to do the things that help you feel better emotionally, mentally, physically.
Good luck with your confidence journey.
I’ll leave you with the words of Ella Fitzgerald
Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there’s love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.