Seven questions to help you take better care of yourself
If my grandparents were still alive today and I talked to them about taking better care of myself they would nudge each other and say;
‘Ooooo, remember those skirts you used to wear and that big hair you had? You take much better care of yourself now.’
They wouldn’t even begin to be able to imagine the industry that has grown around calming, motivating, reassuring, energising, organising us to feel clearer and more connected to who we are.
Whether the term ‘self-care’ causes you to roll your eyes or worship at the altar of looking after yourself, paying attention to what’s good for us can help keep us mentally and physically well. And from research I conducted last month health and well-being came out as the most popular area that women would like to make change in. [i]
Yet how are we going to find time to even think about what we might introduce into our lives to take better care of our mental and physical well-being. Most of us are already working a full day - paid or unpaid – add to that the pressure of keeping up with friends, family, life maintenance and we barely have time to squeeze in an episode of Peaky Blinders before we fall into bed.
And then comes the noise. Research, science, Susan from accounts - they all know exactly what it is that we need to do, or not do to ‘look after ourselves’. Wake up at 4am. Drink a bath full of water each day. Get 6, 7, 8 hours sleep and if you don’t have time for that a 20-minute power nap should do it. Drink red wine, but not too much. Lock your phone, IPad, laptop into a padded cell for at least 47 minutes before you go to sleep. Fit in time to do nothing, meditate, be mindful, exercise – vigorously, moderately and gently. Eat less meat, more greens, drink almond milk, but remember to fast, but don’t miss breakfast, and eat at least five times a day but not after 6. Be thankful, EVERY day, or once a week – just be thankful. Be creative, make time to play, be on your own, and spend time with people.
It’s an exhausting business. Listening to all of the noise can be a direct path to beating yourself up for failing to look after yourself in the right way. But, we all have times when, weighed down by work and life responsibilities, we’re left feeling physically and mentally like a grey washed out dish cloth. This is normally a warning sign that we need to make some tweaks to our life. It doesn’t necessarily mean wholesale change. In fact, the chances of change being successful are far better if we do it bit by bit. After all, we all recall how many times Bridget Jones discarded her cigarettes and alcohol, got rid of the rubbish food, cleaned her flat and threw herself into exercise. The more we commit to the easier it is to fail – we miss one exercise class and throw our arms up in the air and go back to the status quo.
So, start small, filter the noise to find something that appeals to you, test it, then build upon the things that stick. Here are some questions to mull over to help you to take better care of yourself:
If you had more time, money, support, just nothing getting in your way, what one thing would you like to do more of/less of/introduce into your life?
What would introducing this into your life give you, mentally and physically?
How does it align with your core values? Linking our goals to our values helps motivate us to make them happen. I tried for years to get into a regular running routine because I knew I should keep fit but I failed time and again. Then I started a new job that was really tough. My negative thoughts were out of control and my life coach and I discussed running as a way to unwind. It became a life saver and two years on I run regularly – not because of the health benefits but because it keeps me mentally balanced, balance being one of my three core values.
What could get in your way of introducing this new activity? Being honest about what might sabotage our goals gives us the opportunity to plan our response to potential pitfalls. Let’s plan to succeed.
What first step do you want to commit to over the next week? Start small and build on this. Everyone can find five minutes in the day but half an hour might be more troublesome. Once you’ve regularly done five minutes and reaped the benefits you’re likely to want to do more.
What do you already do regularly? James Clear talks about Habit Stacking in his book ‘Atomic Habits.’ Rather than pairing a new activity to a particular time and place Clear proposes taking advantage of the strong network of neurons your brain has already built to support current behaviours. He suggests identifying a current habit that you already do each day and then stack your new habit on top of this. [ii]
Who can support you? People around you want you to be happy and are your biggest supporters. Tell someone close to you what you want to do and how they can support you. You never know, they may want to join you at that yoga class or you will have inspired them to take action themselves.
In the spirit of walking the talk, I committed to write for 20 minutes, three times a week, before I sit down to do my emails. Writing lights up the creative side of me and provides my life with more balance. The more balance I have the happier I am. Now, it’s early days and I’ve a way to go before this becomes a habit, but I’m trying and enjoying the process of writing again.
What’s the one thing you’d like to introduce into your life to take better care of yourself?
[i]Survey conducted in October 2019 with 113 female respondents.
[ii] https://jamesclear.com/habit-stacking